Its all my fault...

I am sitting here thinking. Thinking about everything that happen to me last night. Things happen that I am not proud of at all. I know that everything that happen last night was my fault though.

I was going to spend the day with Chad. We had it planned to be together. A normal day. Thats what we both wanted. Did it happen though...no it didn't. It was the worst day ever!

It started off a little slow then we were fine. Laughing and messing around with one another (non sexually). Then he asked me if I wanted to go play frisbee and I said yes after I finish dinner. When we were about to leave he got on the phone and was calling someone. I asked what he was doing and he told me that he was calling Patricia to tell her that we were on our way.

I was confused and not very happy about this. He told me that we were going to play with them. I don't want to be around her. I'm not ready for that. Not ready at all for that! I still went because I wanted to be with him. I let them play because I didn't want to play anymore. Then they wanted to go to the store. So I walked behind them about 10 to 15 feet. Chad didn't like this at all.

I called Brantley to say hi and Chad got all mad at me telling me that it wasn't right of me to do that. I didn't get it and we got into a little argument about it. Then, we walked back to Patricia and dropped her and Chris, the other person that played frisbee with them, off. We walked home and Chad started to ask me weird question. We ended up sitting outside talking/arguing. I got pissed at something that he said and walked off.

When I got back from my short walk he was inside and we fought more. We got into it! I said something that was very out of line and I should have never said it or even thought it. He got so pissed off. He wanted to leave but I wouldn't let him. I couldn't let him. Something told me not too. So I grabbed him and  he didn't like this at all.

He tried to get me to get off of him and let him go but I wouldn't and this made him madder and madder. Well, today my upper arms are really hurting me from where he was pushing my arms down to get me to let go. The top of my chest hurts where his cell phone and elbow went into it at one point. To add to that, I have a bi bruise on my upper right thigh that I got from him.

He didn't hit me in anyway. He didn't mean to hurt me either. It just kind of happen and it was my fault. I made a huge mistake last night and I ruined everything. I feel like a complete idiot. I said somethings that weren't true at all. I wish that I could take them back, only I can't and never will be able too.

I guess I'm just meant to be in love with someone and make them hate me. Thats what always seems to happen to me. It's my fault though. I push people away. Thats what I'm good at.

Lacee