I want to die!!!!!
I can't deal with this fucking shit. I want people to leave me alone. I want to end everything that is going on and call it all quits. I think that it's that time to say fuck the world and all you people in it, other than the select few that have been there for me, and end my life again. I don't want to deal with all the shit that I'm dealing with.
I wanted it to work out. I believed that he wanted to give us another try and you know what...he fucked me again. He is killing me just like a certain someone else is doing to their boyfriend. Even he says that it is killing him. I am ranting and I know that a certain person is going to read, but I don't care. Read it. Copy and Paste it. I don't care!!!! I am tired of you and him making everything out to be my fault! Everything is not my fault. Almost everything that is happening is YA'LLS FAULT!!!! YOUR FAULT!
YOU! ITS ALL YOU! DON'T FUCKING TRY AND MAKE US FEEL BAD ANYMORE BECAUSE IT'S NOT OUR FAULT AND YOU KNOW WHAT WE AREN'T GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!
I am no longer going to love you Chad. I can't and I won't let myself. I'm at the point where I'm starting to hate you. I think thats the best thing for me now. I just want to jump off a cliff and it's getting to that point where I'm about too.
I know that my friends may comment on this blog telling me not to, but you know what....you guys aren't going to help me. I need to get away. I need to run away. I need something to forget about all the things that are going on.
To the people that have been there for me (you know who you are),
I don't want to deal with this anymore. I'm not trying to get away from you I'm trying to get away from all the people that are making life a living hell. I am trying to make sure that I do live long enough to at least bring another life into this world. No matter what I may say to Chad, I want this child. I think that by telling him what I'm telling him he will go away. Then everything will be better for me. I don't have to talk to anyone about him. I don't want to put up with all the stress that is going on anymore. I can't do it. It's bad.
Its time to make a stand and get away from everything. I am ready for that too. I'm going to stand on my own 2 feet and walk away. I will walk to the only place that I think is safe too. I don't care that its a 100 miles away. I will walk for the rest of my life if I had too. At least my life would be better while I'm walking. I am tired of life. I'm tired of waking up every morning. When I go to bed all I think about is death now. I want to end my life, but no one elses. I know thats not possible though. So, I have to go on. I have continue to live with all these things that just make me want to kill myself.
When is it going to be my turn to die? When am I going to be free of life? Free of pain? When can I just, end everything?
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Yea... suicide is REALLY not the answer. I have felt the way you did once, i know what your going through. But it's going to get better for you. Don't think about a permanent solution to a temp. problem (iRUNoverDEER's comment)... it's really not the way. Think about all the people around you, your friends and family, that would miss you so much. Its not the solution to your problem... plz dont consider suicide. |
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You know this was coming. I know thing are pretty rough for you right now and that assh**e isnt really helping out but that is not a solution. Dying sound pretty good sometimes but for me that is the most horrible thing to do. You talk about your friends and how they help you and I know you are thinking about us, but come on laccee how can you love us when you dont care about our opinions. We try to be there for you and for anything but you have to put something too. Now you have that other life depending on you and easy to say you can die after that but whats going to happen to that little piece of heaven without you. You arent the only feeling unloved and like the world forget about us because believe me I feel that way too but I cant really think about dying because I so young and things my seem horrible but one day we are going to look back and laugh about this. You got this way about John and about JJ and see how everything worked out. None of them are in your life and you found a new love, a bad one but you fell in love again. I can say chad is a bad person because I saw him once, and like a glanze. I mean I didnt even spoke to the guy, but from the things you are suffering from, and him sleeping with you and going out with Patricia and living still at your house I can say he has a pretty good set up. Forget about the people that read this, they are just loser who dont have anything to do. We the people who care and read this are trying to help you. Lets hang out this weekend and forget boys are even in this world. Take care and call me ok. Bye baby i love you ok and I know all your friends love you too and dont want this kinda of thoughts even in consideration ok. Bye. |
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You don't know me but i have gotten there my girl of two yer kill my lil girl did ever let her see the sky her mom tells me not to go nut i tell her she killed my only good thing i wool have done any thing to keep my lil girl i don't die now cause she say she loves me how do you love some one you hart so much time and time agen i think of ending it all but i meet a now girl want to ask god why. He told me look in her so i am looking my ex girl fam love me and told me that they will all ways be there for me love can kill you by loveing you and by not loveing you but if you love to much they may not love you so much back so don't think of dieing cause we all need to see how the book ends and we can"t go back in time so may god keep all of us in his eyes |
